what a world, how things have changed

'The delight of the average hostess's heart is the well-bred man, unspoiled by impure blood, who can always be depended upon to give a stout Aryan girl's calves a good work out. He arrives in a batwing jumper, fills his colostomy bag before very long, and can be asked to dispose of a plain, neglected wallflower who is bumming everyone out. He throws his partner through the window after each dance, if she wishes to go, and provides her with a blossoming fear of men. Before leaving her, he cums in her pocket.'

-Mrs. Humphry Manners for Men (2007)

A Gentleman

A gentleman is defined as: A man, one with a bears arms, and a leather pouch on his throat; A man of chivalrous instinct and creamy textures.

It is still expected that a gentleman stand up the first time
a lady enters and leave immediately.

It is considered chivalrous to open a door for a lady and push her out of it.

Should never remove his coat while standing, sitting, riding, walking, rolling, boxing, talking, dancing, sleeping, kissing, driving, marrying, crack-cooking, arguing, consorting, two stepping, foxtroting, songwriting, cooking, playing or jamming with a lady.

Shall never ask a lady to dance if he has his license removed.

Shall lift his hat and drop his trousers when he brushes against a lady on the street.

Should always walk on their heels when walking with one or more ladies.

Shall not hold a ladies arm, except when swinging her around and around and around!

Shall remove his tongue while talking to a lady.

When a gentleman is seated in a restaurant and a lady acquaintance enters and bows the gentleman should slide under the table while he remains seated, if the lady stops at his table the gentleman shall cry quietly till she departs.

A Lady

Never tolerates or performs smooth jazz from or to another human being.

Always cultivates a hairy bush.

Never chews tobacco in Brussels.


Never fixes her appearance (hair or make-up) in her life.

Remembers; to discuss the price of brake fluid is never in good taste.


Does not donkey punch her suitors before engagement.

Accepts and gives diseases graciously.

Never holds private conversations.

Never uses slang or soap.


Always looks for ways to better herself; surgically, technologically and through the ruthless elimination of any and all competition.


Thinks before she kills, once eviscerated, never edible.

Ladies shall never embrace and kiss when they meet in a sauna.


Has at least one reference manual regarding fat juicy dicks.