LYNX

So we return to Cineworld, once again in the thrall of the screen (IT IS AS TALL AS MY HOUSE AND THREE TIMES AS LONG, THRICE AS LONG YOU MIGHT SAY) ready to watch Pirates Of The Caribbean 3: At Worlds End -

- a side note; we have realised we are repulsive party planners. I know this whole enterprise is somewhat of a wallowing in the puddle of slef-pity, but really! We arranged to go to the cinema a few weeks ago - ended up just me and Dan. We arrange a Big Brother opening night party - ended up just being me and Dan. I invited at least TEN people a week in advance to see Pirates Of The Carib (including my own FAMILY) - ne'ry a soul but me and Dan. In future we are going to conduct our arrangements through our friend Luke to sucker people into attending -

- ready to watch Pirates etc..., watching the Carlton Screen advertising adverts (heat-coals-stars, whhooooooosh! my face branded by Carlton Screen Advertsising) sterling work there, and we see an advert for some kind of voodoo tonic called 'LYNX'. Now, this mysterious substance seems to drive women into such a frenzy of lustfulness that they will literally rape and kill men. We became very excited about this, me on Dan's behalf and Dan on Dan's behalf, as it seems to render the female senses completely focused on viscious, bruising copulation with ugly men. However, Dan has now drunk three bottles of the stuff and their has been no effect, apart from vomit with some red bits in.